THE ART OF GIVING AND RECEIVING FEEDBACK
“I wish we had 100 people like you!”
“Just keep doing what you are doing.”
Great feedback! Or is it?
Giving generic feedback is a bit like saying you are a gardener when all you do is admire the flowers as you walk to the letterbox.
There are usually four types of people when it comes to providing feedback.
The Cheerleader.
This person has a few standard lines that they roll out either prompted, or unprompted.
Lines such as:
“You’re amazing”
“Just keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll let you know if there’s an issue.”
“I wish we had 100 more people like you”
“You are a superstar! Don’t change anything”
The problem is that they tend to dish the same comments out, again and again.
This feedback loses impact every time it is dished out.
The cheerleader normally has good intentions. But they either don’t like conflict, or don’t know how to give good feedback.
People who give out platitudes will struggle with both credibility and trust over time.
If your leader is a cheerleader, and you are hungry to learn and grow, you will become frustrated very quickly.
The Strong Silent Type .
This person never gives feedback unless specifically asked and if you do ask, will often look surprised.
If you are lucky, they will then give you a thoughtful and considered response.
If you are lucky.
If you don’t ask, you will probably never hear anything.
The strong silent type is frustrating to work for and with.
They are wrapped up in their own world.
They may have a low need for feedback themselves, and therefore are surprised that others aren’t just ‘getting on with it.’
They will be genuinely shocked when people leave their team, having been too caught up in their work to see the signs
The Assassin.
This person sneaks up on you and gives you negative feedback when you are least expecting it.
It will be blunt and leave you with a head wound.
They often don’t care who else is listening, or where you are when they deliver it.
These are the individuals who describe themselves as ‘straight shooters’.
This may be true, but can also be code for “I just say what I want without considering the impact on others.”
The assassin will always struggle to gain trust because they can be unpredictable.
People in their team will be reluctant to confide in them, in case it comes back to haunt them.
The Archer
This person has learned the habit of providing well rounded feedback for growth and they will give you specific and targeted feedback, which is both useful and empowering. Here’s an example.
“I loved the style of your presentation, particularly the storyboard approach you took.
I think you could add impact by making it shorter - maybe reduce it by 20%?
Your delivery was great though, and you got your message across”
The Archer provides examples to support their feedback.
If someone else gives them feedback about their team members, they will not give it credence unless it is fact-based.
They also don’t react to rumours or sweeping statements.
Check your feedback style before dishing it out.
Be an archer!
Managing Feedback
So how do you manage feedback well when you are on the receiving end?
Here are a few ideas to manage feedback to optimise your personal growth.
1. Listen carefully and ask the person to repeat themself if necessary, so that you are absolutely clear on what they are saying and meaning.
Ask clarifying questions and ask them to give you a specific example/s.
If they are unable to do this, ask them if they could observe you and let you know immediately if they see it happening again.
The reality is that if they are unable to give you specific examples and it’s ‘just the vibe of the thing’, it will be more challenging for you to understand the behaviour and modify it.
If they are able to give you specifics, it’s still generally a good idea to ask them to let you know if they observe it again in the future.
2. Take notes if the feedback so you can reflect on it later.
3. Depersonalise it.
It is rarely personal.
Visualise yourself as an independent third person watching the interaction, consuming it in a detached manner and with a curious mind.
4. It is likely that you will feel some emotion if the feedback is particularly tough or negative - or a surprise.
This is natural.
Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you will take some time to think about it later.
Try not to react in the moment.
5. When you have left the conversation there may be a tendency for you to start to rationalise, deny or play down the feedback.
This is especially true if it is not feedback you’ve had before.
You may build a narrative in your mind that the giver of the feedback has misunderstood you or got it wrong.
Remind yourself that perception is everything.
If someone has had the courage to give you tough feedback, then you need to take it seriously, investigate it and act on it.
6. If the feedback is about a behaviour or approach you’ve been taking that is ingrained and not easily fixed with a quick tweak, you could always consider seeking help from an independent third party.
Effective change comes from practicing the behaviour you want to demonstrate, again and again.
Positive feedback builds confidence and we all need that in our lives.
Real and sustainable growth comes from acknowledging and acting on tough feedback.
#careercoach #leadership #feedback
